Reflections: I have been thinking about Ephesians 3

June 13, 2012
The Rev. Marguerite Alley

       I have been thinking about Ephesians 3:20 this morning and the phrase “exceedingly abundantly” keeps bubbling up for me. Last evening was my final high school orchestra concert. I was more than a little anxious about this, largely for purely egotistical reasons. I know I should have been sad about it being my last, I should have been thinking about all the details I needed to take care so that it would be a really special evening for our seniors. I should have been thinking about how blessed I have been in 28 years (26 of them at First Colonial) to have had the pleasure and privilege to have taught some extremely talented and fabulous musicians, and a lot of generally awesome young people. However, most of the day I was more concerned with whether or not they would perform well in public and if they didn’t, how that would reflect on the program I have tried to create. As a musician, we are trained to hear things with a critical ear; to fine tune everything and then do it again. It is very easy for the perfectionist in me to take the drivers seat when I walk on stage. But last night, I believe that God spoke to me in a rather different way. As I walked to the stage, I was strangely calm and as I poked at that in my mind, I very clearly heard, “it is still not about you” and I thought to myself (with just a hint of whine), “when will it be about me?”

      I have spent 28 years of my life locked in a room 7 hours a day, 189 days a year with kids from the ages of 10-18. I have tried to share with them the joy of all kinds of music but especially classical, and I have tried to teach them a bit about goals, pursuing excellence and self-discipline. I have helped them celebrate college acceptances and to learn to overcome adversity. I have offered bits of wisdom about life after high school and being good people. I have opened their eyes to the world in trips to Europe, Toronto, Orlando, New Orleans, Atlanta and New York. I have pushed them to give me more and to put more into their playing. I have been hard on them at times, and at others let them get away with a few things. I have driven around in search of them when they call because they ran away or got themselves into situation they didn’t know how to get out of. I have talked to their parents when they didn’t have the words to explain. I have visited them in the hospital and in jail. I have endured the rage of parents when I failed to recognize that their child, struggling to read music, was Julliard material. I have enjoyed the assistance of many wonderful and committed parents who have supported and assisted me in our many program endeavors. I have fought for funding of our program and for recognition of the accomplishments of my students in a world obsessed with sports. I have pushed them to play in public, tried to prepare them for auditions, and encouraged them to play for life. Through the years I have wondered at the decisions made by school administration, building administrators and program coordinators. I have worried about the decisions parents have made, or not made for their children and how it would affect that child’s future success. I have lamented with my colleagues about “the good old days”, the state of the program, and how the kids have “changed” since we started teaching. And yet, at the end of each year, I have planned for how I could do a better job for them, for this, that or the other. I have struggled with what music to choose that will be exciting, challenging and playable in my groups. I have written detailed lesson plans and unit plans only to have to scrap them when a new group comes in with different abilities than I expected.

      In all of this, one thing stands clear now. It has never been about me and I guess it never will be. It has been about being a better teacher, being a better conductor, being a better musician, being a better role model and being a better person. I am quite aware that there are many teachers out there who are far more skilled than I. They spend more time working on plans, they are more creative and more dynamic. They certainly have more energy. I hope that when they reach this point in their careers they have as many fabulous memories as I do, and as many young people who are successful as I enjoy now. I can truly say that God has richly blessed me exceedingly abundantly with more than I could ever ask for or imagine and for that I am truly grateful.